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Annoying people takes skill, and you must be delicate about it, otherwise annoyance can turn into a world war. That is why a few tips could help you perfect this fine art of alienating strangers, or even friends.

1.       Don’t respond to any comments

Human beings, as they say, are social animals. Therefore conversation is perhaps the most important thing in maintaining some sort of social relationship. However, what if you play ‘the wall’ in a conversation? What if a conversation becomes one-sided? You will slowly build up the idea that you are uninterested. What could be more annoying to a person who is trying to have a conversation with you? This is your first step to annoying someone. Just don’t reply.

2.       Talk in an insanely loud voice or in such a soft voice that no one can hear you

Normalcy is not the norm when you want to annoy someone. If you really want to get on someone’s nerves, then just be absolutely different. When they’re trying to talk to you, talk as loudly as you can. The person talking to you is probably going to think you’ve gone mad or something. He/she is going to hide his/her face in embarrassment thanks to the attention you’ve grabbed of passers-by. Talking very loudly helps most when a person is sharing a secret with you. If you don’t think you can talk that loudly, try lowering your voice so much that only ants can hear you. After trying to listen to what you’re saying a couple of times, the person will just automatically give up. This works best when you have something important to tell someone.

3.       Repeat what someone is saying right after they’ve said it

Parroting what someone is saying is absolutely annoying. It might result in the recipient of this action walking away or pulling his/her hair out. Depending on how much you want to annoy the person, parrot them accordingly. If you want to annoy them less, just repeat what they’re saying a few times. If you REALLY want to annoy someone a lot, parrot everything they say for the whole day. Who knows, you may even bag a Guinness World Record for parroting for the longest time.

4.       Misspell or mispronounce the name of the other person

Most people are VERY protective about their names. So if you really want to annoy people, misspell or mispronounce their names repeatedly. This can become even more annoying if someone is actually spelling out their name to you, and you deliberately misspell it all the times. Similarly, if someone is teaching you how to pronounce their name properly, keep mispronouncing it until they really give up. Annoyance bliss is just around the corner.

5.       Cut someone off when they’re speaking to talk about yourself

Imagine a situation where someone is trying to tell you something about themselves. What is the worst thing you can do? Rob them of a chance to speak! Any time a person wants to talk, just interject and give some really pointless details about yourself and your life. Just do not let that person speak about themselves. Not only will you make the person think that you’re snobbish and rude, but you would have achieved your aim of annoying that person. So congratulations!

6.       Come very late for a meeting

If you’ve planned a meeting with someone and you REALLY want to annoy that person, just take your own sweet time and come really late. By late I mean 2-3 hours, or even more. When you finally arrive, just tell that person – “Oh, I was dressing up and couldn’t choose what to wear. I would’ve chosen something better if you didn’t keep calling the whole time”. The person who was kind enough to wait hours for you to dress up will now make sure he/she never has a meeting with you.

7.       Make sounds while you’re eating

When you’re eating with someone, make sure you do not eat silently. Keep slurping your juice or water, keep banging your cutlery, and keep chewing noisily. The person with you is going to be so embarrassed and annoyed at your lack of etiquette, that he/she is simply never going to eat with you again.

8.       Write pointless blog posts like this one

What better way to annoy someone else than to write blog posts that make no sense? When someone like you spends their time reading through, they will reach a point when they wonder “what the heck am I reading this for?” But it would already be too late by then. You would’ve spent a number of minutes reading about how to annoy people, when in reality, you must be annoyed by the pointlessness of a post like this. Really, why are you reading this? Since I’ve already mastered the 8th point, how many medals do I get? 😀