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1. If you kick anyone down a well, it is justified if you shout out “THIS IS SPAAAAARTAAAAAA” in an insanely insane voice.

2. Any ugly and deformed Spartan is a betrayer. Only handsome guys are good enough for eternal glory.

3. Persian dudes are from Northern Africa. They wear mascara and die gory deaths.

4. Terrible incidents and wars become scarier with pulsating electronic music.

5. The Oracle is a powerless, beautiful damsel in distress.

6. If you’re a Spartan but have a thick Scottish accent, there’s no problem as long as you’re strutting around with nothing more than a cape and underpants.

7. Spartan men like to go to war dressed scantily. It leads to eternal glory sooner if you do not wear any armour.

8. War is not to reclaim one’s soil, or to defend one’s keep. War is to show off your perfectly toned body and your six packs.

9. Fast forwarding and slowing down frames makes you look awesomely cool.

10. Xerxes is Persian but apparently he’s also South American (but looks African). We live in a really international world nowadays.